It has come up in conversations that there is a feeling we each have of being abandoned when we were a child. There are varying degrees that each of us went through.
My memory experience was when my mother had cancer and was in the hospital. I felt very alone, the family was dealing with so much and my mother needed to focus on her health. While there were people around, I have this lonely empty feeling from that period of time. I also have come to realize that as each of my siblings left for college there was a sense of abandonment also. My oldest brother is 13 years older than me so I was five or six when he left.
There were many other times that feeling of being abandoned surfaced also. In exploring this feeling and trying to heal it I came across information of how I was abandoning myself. This was an ah-ha moment!
When I was a child, I was limited with the information available, in my small world experience I truly FELT abandoned, and all alone. The reason that my mother wasn’t there was inconsequential to me, it was the feeling that I had. Now, with this updated information, how do I stop abandoning myself? I can’t keep people from leaving me, relationships running their course, whether they be friendships or romantic but I can choose a different course by nurturing myself.
What would it look like to be present for myself? Create boundaries and make sure I am loving myself first? This goes deep in the psyche and it’s not an easy exploration but oh so worth it. What would that feel like to be present for myself, to be brave and reassure my inner child I will not abandon them? That I am present for myself? I’ve had moments of being present and let me tell you, it feels AMAZING, exhilarating, freeing, and most of all, loving myself.
I don’t always get it right, however, we are all a work in progress and sometimes I do the cha-cha, one step forward, two steps back, but each time I remind myself, dance, enjoy and smile!
10 Self Abandonment Behaviors
- People pleasing
- Disregarding how you actually feel about a situation & going against your needs
- Hiding your emotions
- Not expressing your needs
- Dropping your boundaries so that someone doesn’t get mad at you.
- Not speaking up for yourself
- Perfectionism and/or being busy all the time
- Not acting in alignment with your values
- Engaging in behaviors you don’t actually want to do in an attempt to win someone over
- Not trusting your own perceptions or opinions and always seeking someone else’s opinion.
