I’d gotten divorced after ten years of marriage and I made the decision to move to Sioux Falls to be able to financially provide for my children who were three and seven at the time. Little did I know then the massive internal growth I would go through for the next thirty years.
I lived in so much fear during my early thirties and I was overwhelmed the majority of time. I was in survival mode. I attended retreats that were put on by the church I was attending, still trying to figure out who I was. In my mid-30’s I began spiritual counseling with a female Methodist minister. During this time, she shared with me the idea that god was everywhere. An example I recall is when you turn your car on and the radio is playing a song that resonates so strongly with you, that is god speaking to you. This began opening my mind to what could be. At the end of each session we would sit facing each other and holding hands in prayer. During one of the times I could feel this energy pulsing through my hands and it was amazing. When I asked her if she could feel it also, she replied yes. I was elated! I don’t recall if she said it or if it was a sense but the message was clear, I am a healer.
This was the mid-90’s and I had no idea what to do with this new awareness. What was also interesting was that I was becoming much more aware of how I was affected by other peoples energy.
One Sunday, the children and I went to church and I had decided I wanted to open myself up to really connect with god. During the service the feelings and emotions I was having were overwhelming, it was heavy, dark, sad, and most of all a great sense of grief. I couldn’t cry or sob during the service, this would have drawn attention to me. I held it together until we walked out to the car and that was when I lost it. My children sitting in the back seat and I sat at the steering wheel sobbing. This wasn’t mine, I instinctively knew this, it was the sadness of the people attending the service. I knew then that I would no longer go to church. It was too hard and difficult to feel everyone else’s feelings and emotions. Once again, it was not my connection to spirit that was affected, it was the decision to not go to a place that I was going to feel so deeply. I didn’t have the tools to navigate that much energy.
I had always been curious about psychics and the metaphysical. Anyone used a crazy 8 ball, paper fortune teller with the colors and numbers when a child or the Ouija board? I went to see Donna, a local psychic a couple of times and she shared with me that god is both male and female. This blew my mind and yet gave me so much hope. She also provided insight on so many things in my life and path. I didn’t understand the majority of it, only later on would much of it make sense.
I became aware that I am an empath. I could feel other people’s feelings and emotions and many times tried to take on other peoples emotional burdens. As this awareness came in I organically started to figure out what were my feelings and what were others. What was also interesting to become aware of is that I could tell when someone was lying or projecting. I believe I was always able to do this however, I had resisted this insight for years and just now it was re-awakening.
I now was aware I was a healer but had no idea what that to do with it. My children knew this and so we were always on the lookout of what I could do with this information. This tidbit will make sense later on in my story. All three of us (my son, daughter and me) had some sort of awareness that there was something more in this human life. Non-physical helpers, sometimes called angels or ghosts. We were aware of synchronicities and things that couldn’t be explained away.
I was in my late thirties and was working at a very toxic company, the chaos and mental anguish was horrible. I knew I needed to leave the job but it was the most money I’d ever made and I needed to provide for my children. I was making some not so smart life decisions during that time and was called into my managers office. During the meeting with the manager and the human resources director I answered their questions honestly. They stepped out of the room and as I was looking out the window an overall sense of calm came over me. The internal message was that I was going to be okay, that I would be taken care of. I ended up being released from this position and they gave me a severance with a non-disclosure attached to it. That was one way to leave a toxic environment, I knew I was being divinely guided.
Look for next week’s newsletter to read part three as I continue to share with you how I got to this place of being an energy healer.
