Somewhere, deep in the recesses of a Midwestern female resides this strong belief that to take time for herself is being selfish. I wonder if this belief was in her prior to coming to the prairie and having to become stronger than she ever knew she could be.
I wonder what our great, great grandmothers would say to us if we could hear them. The wisdom they acquired through the years and now being in spirit form, seeing a bigger picture, would they tell each of us to take time for ourselves? I would like to think they would.
A belief was started by thinking the woman had to do it all in order to be worthy. Well, I am here to tell you, we are worthy by just being here on earth. If you do nothing except breathe you are ENOUGH.
I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s in Watertown, South Dakota. The messages that I took in from my family and society was to get married, have a house, have babies and live happily ever after. While I watched from afar women’s lib and secretly idolized Gloria Steinem and all the women standing up for equal rights I didn’t feel strong enough to join them.
I too took on the belief that I was supposed to do it all. I took care of the house, children, was the fix-it helper to my husband, worked full-time, managed the money and kept a smile on my face the entire time even though I was dying ever so slowly inside. I was slowly losing who I was at my core, becoming a stranger to myself. I rarely took time for myself in my 20’s during my marriage. Taking a class that would take me away for two hours was a huge accomplishment, and rarely attempted.
I recently read a post on Facebook that prompted this writing. It was from a very successful business woman who felt guilty leaving her family to gather together with her female tribe, her connection to her female powerful energy. All I could think is, why? Even in 2024 do we still believe in this myth that to take time for ourselves, to have boundaries, to ask for what we need is being selfish?
I encourage you today to think of your great, great grandma and what she is trying to tell you today. Take time for yourself. Encourage your spouse/significant other to take the children for a while, oh, they may push back but stand your ground, you deserve to take care of yourself. If you have a partner, or are single, you too need time for yourself, to honor who you are, to discover other curious parts of yourself.
Take moments to get a pedicure, go to the library for quiet time, head to a park-put your feet in the grass, take a class, go to a coffee shop and enjoy a really good cup of coffee or tea, do some window shopping without buying anything. Release your belief that you are not worthy of having time to yourself, that you aren’t worthy of fulfilling your dreams. No dreams right now? Even more important for you to take time. TRUST ME, your great, great grandma is jumping up and down saying – dream girl, dream big dreams!
Some questions to ponder for self-discovery.
- Use 10 words to describe yourself (you cannot use, spouse, parent, grandparent, what you do for a living or what activities you are a leader in)
- List 15 things that make you happy (no listing family, children, grandchildren, spouse, etc.)
- What inspires you?
- What is your favorite physical feature?
- What are you good at?
- What do you admire in other people?
What I absolutely love today is how I see the women in their 20s, 30s and even 40s embracing their voice and stating, no more. They are the ones that I admire and find strength that I too can have my voice, my boundaries, and to most of all, honor who I am!
