Hurt, Pain, Help

This human life definitely can have its moments of hurt, pain and emotional turmoil that at times can feel like it will never end. I’ve been there so many times I quit counting.

I remember being suicidal in my teens, around the ages of 14 to 17 and then throughout my adult life. When I was in my teens, during a suicidal time, I had a dream that I committed suicide and Jesus met me and said that I wasn’t supposed to be there yet. He proceeded to show me a video of what my life would have been like had I just held on a bit longer. There was only one time that I actually had a plan and it came in a dream. It scared me. My children were young, Britt was still in daycare and Greg was in grade school. Life had been beating me down, over and over and I just was overwhelmed so much of the time.

Realizing now, the sensitivity to emotions, especially emotional pain makes it feel more intense. Being an empath I have been on a journey to discover and realize what emotions are mine and what are others or even the world’s emotions. Sometimes it is very difficult to figure out.

Within the last five years I was becoming suicidal again, it was the emotional drain that I kept feeling and was so very tired of dealing with. Oh, I would have my moments of happiness and light heartedness and then I would go back to feeling depressed and tired.

So, I decided one day, that if I truly believe I have the ability to transition out of this body and leave earth that I would do so. I was in a space that I felt like my children would be okay and that the rest of the world would be just fine.  I laid down on my bed, got in a meditative state, and said to Spirit, I’m ready to leave this body. I didn’t know what it would feel like or look like but I kept trying. While lying there a thought/voice came in and asked me, “Are you ready to give up feeling the sun on your skin?”, “Are you ready to never smell cut grass again?”, “Are you ready to not have the delicious taste of all the food you love?”, What about touching soft textures, what about the sound of crickets on a quiet summer night?

Laying there, thinking about this human experience, and all that I would give up, even though I KNEW by leaving this body I would be going to a place of bliss, of pure love, of joy. I replied to Spirit, No, I guess I’m not ready. Then I heard, get up, get going and start living this human life you’ve been given!

I so understand the people that decide to leave this earth by suicide. I really do. It’s not easy living in these bodies, experiencing all the sensations.

My belief is when we are not in human bodies we are pure love, bliss, energy and are not able to feel all the feels we do on earth. When looking at the opportunity to come into a human body and have the experience we think it will be a breeze, that it will be fun, that ALL OF IT is awesome! Which it is!

However, I don’t think any of us anticipate or remember (if you believe in reincarnation) the challenges as they are.

How are you doing these days? Have you experienced the deep darkness of depression and suicidal thoughts? If not, that is absolutely wonderful! I am truly happy and grateful you have not had those feelings and experiences.  If you have, I want you to know, you are not alone. I am here and there are many, many people that are here to help.

It truly is a blessing to have this human body and to have this human experience, with all the joy, happiness, pain, hurt and love, EVERY feeling and emotion is special.
Your thoughts are energy. What you focus on literally can affect how you feel and think.

What I provide for services can help you through tough times. I can provide insight into the energy and emotions you are carrying within you. I can provide you tools and Reiki can help move stagnant energy. I am not a licensed physician and do not give medical advice. Please seek the advice of a physician.

If you are being challenged with life, please seek help. Call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or locally 411.  The phones are answered 24 hours a day.

Sending you – Love and holding you in light. May you feel it in your being and know it in your heart.